Failures.. not all....

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Bad luck it seems, After coming back to uni life once more, I've succumb to laziness, letting myself too proud without knowing that 2nd year is the real thing.

So I've done quite a mistake which I am suppose to concentrate but I underestimate lightly on the course I am going through..

First, I got the most difficult teacher for histology as well anatomy.. Oh my....

Second, I got a bias teacher whom have affinity toward girls especially hot indian girls..

Third, I have to travel to hospital and aint near to my hostel where I need to travel an hour from uni.. and the best thing is I got exam the next day.. ==!!! Tired of standing in the train for 2 hours go and back....

Fourth, I tend to sleep alot!!!!! How am I suppose to get rid of sleeping too much? Oh man..

Well worst thing is I got 2 friggin pending and for Histology and Biochemistry.. Luckily I survive anatomy exam with 4... Yeah baby at least achieve my target.. Next will be 5 and more 5.. Then I am Anatomy king with the anatomy madman teacher who always say my collegues.. ERRR Sir, I am nowhere near your standard... and best part is he kill all of us.... literally....

Once more winding in front of a book wondering what to read.. fainting on what question I should read for the moment.. I never feel prepared at all... So stressful.. But one thing for sure, better get use to exam fever and third year is hell year.. So best prepare for madness..

Sometimes is best to be an ant rather than a genius... Hardwork prevails with a lil intelect..

The Great Time

Whew, so where do I start? By the way, I really enjoy so much in Malaysia, good times here because I get back to my family my friends and my eating life.. Its a bliss being back to Malaysia, and now it's going to be 2 months after my hellish 1st year..

So I got new TV, PS3, and a new speakers! New shoes! New Clothes! wow, It's heaven being here..
But soon my heaven going to end soon for as I have a week left for my summer break and back to Russia for my 2nd year.. I make sure I can do well once more and perform better than my 1st year , I dont need resolve for every new year but all I need is hardwork and always hardwork pays, no holistic bullshit to improve, but one thing I know for sure is being smart and more more hardworking, more effort in everything, no shortcuts for myself, all I want is to be a better person in my life, I dont want to hurt anyone anymore, (includes to someone dearly to me, and please forgive me because I hurt you)

Once more, academics and non-academics, excel both and I'll be fine.. yeah!!!

Finally!!!

After days of learning the brain, truely, I admit, it is the most difficult and tougest part of anatomy due the complexity of the chapter itself.. At times it is frustrating to remember and trying to understand the works and parts of the brain, and yet I've failed 2 times because it is very difficult. But in the end I got full marks for the test and my teacher was very pleased with my answers this time and she says that I finally understand the brain and was looking forward for my next performance in my next test. Hope I can meet up her expectation.. Now it is closing to my finals for Biology, Chemistry, Latin and Physic.. Gotto focus and get as many good results for this upcoming obstacle.. ^^

Feeling lost..

Well, plenty things need to say now and then but taken much of my time of thinking at times.

So well, I am so lost now, can't really tell what I am doing right now, kinda lost, after coming back to Russia from my hometown. I can't seem to focus at all, many things happen too, of course I notice I keep saying bad things bout my girl in front of her friends.. I really cant separate the borderline between me and her.. But all thing for sure I want her to be the best of herself and not getting sick.

As to me, I geting sloppy day per day, finding cheap ways to get good results, I must change it before it gets any worst of it..

2 weeks and soon final exams..

Tough

To me, the word tough exist in many ways, I strongly believed it is also one of every obstacle which I need to take and endure it..



1. Studies.. it is tough for me as I going to do the impossible thing in my life, thus reading and understanding the very core of the subject is not a simple task for me. Everything have its meaning and why we are studying it. I never know until I gave a thought, by learning is by going to life to an extend where we can able to think and teach to ignorant people who only listen to what people says and not learn by themselves. Fact by books and facts of experience are simply to say it is related to one another, it is just how we interpret the meaning of study or learning..

2. Relationship.. I seriously wanna skip this but still it is one tough experience for me. Apart from break and making ups.. Well to be honest, I aint good in close relationship.. As for now, I really want to understand her on how she feels and worried of her.. I know it is selfish of me wanting her to go to me instead of her friends.. But til today after getting along with her, I dint complain much when she spend time with them rather with me, it is painful to tell go ahead with them, still have to put a fake smile saying its ok. Really, I want her to be happy but why I have to endure it, she doesnt spend so much time for her ownself and stupidly going to have fun with them, how many times do I have to repeat that she had to study and not last minute, crying and wake up so late just to study the following day.. Keep saying she is smart and so on but being smart without hardwork is just another dork walking down the streets.. As I noticed, I dint spend so much time with her due to her unrelated busyness and I really wonder what is she thinking? Maybe I being stupid on my own concern towards to a person who dint know how I felt for her... I love her and all I want her is not be so dork helping others rather her ownself.

3. Life.. So far it is tough to live a life thinking everyday.. Unlike people who thinks what to cook after class ( sorry to say this but it happens to every uni students.. believe me that you can hear the same sentences coming out from their mouth). Alright correlation to this subject of life, honestly I keep thinking whether I am able to walk out to be a doctor or unable to become one.. Keep thinking can I stand at the pinacle of my own life so that one day I can tell my life to my generation, my own kids and so on.. Will I able to be the right person for the person whom I love.. It is crazy to think such idiocy at such early age of my own, a young adult who is still in the most critical situation whether I manage to control myself and be more discipline on my own. All this while, I've been playing and goofing around too much and never know how important life is to me, all this while I kept in my mind live with fun of life.. and now I've realised I couldnt turn back as I wanted it to be.. Currently, I have to study so hard and learn every possible things no matter in university or outdoors.. And definitely, I must make out from this positively.. Every failures count and every success is time.. Meaning of this very sentence is important for future myself so that it is the ultimate dream for me to be reality.. Here is the thing I need to know, a person who fail to plan is plan to fail from the moment you step out in the world of learning..

2nd Semester..

After a brief holidays, back once more to Moscow for the next semester..

Few things in my mind actually.. Quite afraid I couldn't pull myself for reaching the top.. I feel very depressed lately.. Got no idea what gotten me into this silly depression.. And again the unessasary smile and not from the real smile.. Come to think of it, I am stuck with exams again, I hope the results doesn't make me depress or weakened.. Really have to make it through the 1st year, once again die trying and study hard to do my exams, the only thing I find out that I can express how I felt only through blogging, though sounds pathetic, but well it give me some space for a piece of my mind, what I do think, how I felt over this years, it may not be long when one day I sit done having a sweet time enjoying my life as a successful doctor, but again obstacles have to be cleared thoroughly..

Life haven't gone so well lately, having a preach about chinese new year related to christian.. Why I would be bothered by it anyways? God is great, bla bla bla.. Yeah yeah everyone knows that, but somebody can wake this people up? I got more important thing to do more a less than going to preach God's greatness.. Why can you put your faith in yourself, I believe God ask us to have faith on our own, believe him so as we can believe our own, a bible is a story, a story correlate with the history and not only tell us we should follow the path, but only use for our daily problems.. Every human have his faith, no matter the bible tell us to do so.. Once again, I am in point blank to listen this same speeches all over again.. I am tired listening about it. No use for me when I have bigger goals to obtain, rather spending time to listen same thing over over over again..

But then, I am able to control myself forcing myself to go over the limits of myself.....
And I couldnt celebrate my chinese new year..
And the sucky thing, next week my exam... Chinese new year with exam on the following day..
Wonder will this go on for the next 6 years?

Entitle.. Hope!

This days, well it give me desire to understand things happening around lately. Take a turn and make some ideas for some improvement. Today, I got some good questions regarding on my anatomy exams... Though I know I might flunk this exam due I am easily nervous and forget because of it. But then, no matter how cruel things can be, I still have to face it (Its a part to be more mature to think and adapt to stressful abilities without being moody or in bad temper), I thank to people who is around me, if not because of them, I might already lose faith and passion, ( Ted, Ching and Lulu) getting spirit and going to the extreme, pushing myself to limitation of my mentality, I can sleep dayless just by studying and playing at the same time, its a habit and bad one though, but it is uni life, expect the worst and prepare for the worst, life ain't a bed of roses or answer popping out in front of you, people who work hard for it earns it and people who stops will fall, no matter in sense of cheating or doing it by heart as l0ng there's struggle and thirst of knowledge nothing is impossible to attain it, being hardworking is good but have no life, being smart is good but lack of responsiblity( includes laziness), so human must have both, smart and hardworking, I used to tell that myself everyday, thats the reason for me to move on in education, I'll not stop until i believe I can walk with knowledge especially becoming a doctor.

Another thing, I learn as well, I must not be to selfish to share my knowledge to people who wants it.. Though i know I'm sure that i am unable to do well if I keep teaching during exams since I have my own questions to do as well, I am envious when I manage to help my classmates to get good remarks but I couldn't get mine.. Sad isn't it? But I must not give up, I know I can get it as well as long I am able to understand question and do things quickly with great thinking and precision eventhough helping them as well in the same time.. I take them as my training to improve my brain works and I know I will improve myself to be better, as you know be a doctor can be stressful if attain less training and experience in study life? I finally understood path to be a doctor, to save people must save your own and with experience during study life everything is possibble and more probably better than normal general doctors in hospital back in Malaysia.

Another thing, I learn, though I may be scary at times, as long I don't cause trouble, everything will be fine.. I wanna have a good life without picking trouble.. And some people misunderstand one thing, I learn martial arts is only few things, first of all, I can use for mind relaxation, learning to cultivate attitude, self protection and my family, and most important of all is to make good exercise out of straineous training..

Last of all, I want to have someone who truly understands and be mirror to me, besides my loving sister, hahahaha.. ( bet this gonna chill her spine) p.s. sorry for waiting me at the corridor when I was talking to your classmates and during watching movie with my roommates and playing Dota in front of you ( this is for the person who is in Russia, not my sister!) My sister is waiting to get handphone with a greedy smile on her face thats for sure including laptop.. Patience and relax, I definately work hard to obtain all my credits and come home with a smile!! I wonder how are my family back in Malaysia, hope they are doing fine especially my sis, don't go banging on the car's butt when you drive!! HAHAHAHA!!!!

Lets go!

Many things happen lately, as well growing fond of someone, But well here's a story,

Last Friday, which is the new year term holiday until to upcoming Monday which will be on the 11th will have collogium for Anatomy which will be tough to memorize and understand as well, So this holiday, what I am doing? Well read sleep eat memorize like idiot and growing fond towards a girl.. Oh man.... Anyways, few days to go, and I need to read russian and rememorize Anatomy...
I have a promise made to my sis which I must fullfil so I can't afford to lose.

For now I having alot of thoughts where are few challenges to be over with, I hope I could finish this obstacles so that lesser doubts in my mind to be settle with. 10 days have passed, and yet I in crossroads of my life. For few days passed, I still couldn't find my own true self, somehow lost in midst of characteristics...

But something good happen, I manage to play more than words on guitar.. Kinda amazed though.. Next song would be hmm, no idea..

Anyways, this is for now...

A few days vain.

Back on the track for the 2010 prick of the year, guess what?
I am bored to death!!!! Ok!
First of call, copying and studying notes is seriously dead boring!!
Second of all, its to cold outside, hands and foot are numb, body shivering, funny thing of all, my face colour is the same, no red blushing...
Third, during playing Dota to kill boredom, someone just have to disturb me, in return I accidently call her pig... Sorry I din't mean it....I am bad if come to sweet talks.. Ain't my style to court girls..
Fourth, because of that punish myself to copy her notes til 5.30 in the morning, done and get a bath to chill..

Thus, I have 2 notes to read.. I am so dizzy!!!

Argh 6 more days to do exams!!! Gotto to study and memorize like mad!!!
I must not give up!! Few more and I am off to Malaysia!!!