Tough

To me, the word tough exist in many ways, I strongly believed it is also one of every obstacle which I need to take and endure it..



1. Studies.. it is tough for me as I going to do the impossible thing in my life, thus reading and understanding the very core of the subject is not a simple task for me. Everything have its meaning and why we are studying it. I never know until I gave a thought, by learning is by going to life to an extend where we can able to think and teach to ignorant people who only listen to what people says and not learn by themselves. Fact by books and facts of experience are simply to say it is related to one another, it is just how we interpret the meaning of study or learning..

2. Relationship.. I seriously wanna skip this but still it is one tough experience for me. Apart from break and making ups.. Well to be honest, I aint good in close relationship.. As for now, I really want to understand her on how she feels and worried of her.. I know it is selfish of me wanting her to go to me instead of her friends.. But til today after getting along with her, I dint complain much when she spend time with them rather with me, it is painful to tell go ahead with them, still have to put a fake smile saying its ok. Really, I want her to be happy but why I have to endure it, she doesnt spend so much time for her ownself and stupidly going to have fun with them, how many times do I have to repeat that she had to study and not last minute, crying and wake up so late just to study the following day.. Keep saying she is smart and so on but being smart without hardwork is just another dork walking down the streets.. As I noticed, I dint spend so much time with her due to her unrelated busyness and I really wonder what is she thinking? Maybe I being stupid on my own concern towards to a person who dint know how I felt for her... I love her and all I want her is not be so dork helping others rather her ownself.

3. Life.. So far it is tough to live a life thinking everyday.. Unlike people who thinks what to cook after class ( sorry to say this but it happens to every uni students.. believe me that you can hear the same sentences coming out from their mouth). Alright correlation to this subject of life, honestly I keep thinking whether I am able to walk out to be a doctor or unable to become one.. Keep thinking can I stand at the pinacle of my own life so that one day I can tell my life to my generation, my own kids and so on.. Will I able to be the right person for the person whom I love.. It is crazy to think such idiocy at such early age of my own, a young adult who is still in the most critical situation whether I manage to control myself and be more discipline on my own. All this while, I've been playing and goofing around too much and never know how important life is to me, all this while I kept in my mind live with fun of life.. and now I've realised I couldnt turn back as I wanted it to be.. Currently, I have to study so hard and learn every possible things no matter in university or outdoors.. And definitely, I must make out from this positively.. Every failures count and every success is time.. Meaning of this very sentence is important for future myself so that it is the ultimate dream for me to be reality.. Here is the thing I need to know, a person who fail to plan is plan to fail from the moment you step out in the world of learning..

2nd Semester..

After a brief holidays, back once more to Moscow for the next semester..

Few things in my mind actually.. Quite afraid I couldn't pull myself for reaching the top.. I feel very depressed lately.. Got no idea what gotten me into this silly depression.. And again the unessasary smile and not from the real smile.. Come to think of it, I am stuck with exams again, I hope the results doesn't make me depress or weakened.. Really have to make it through the 1st year, once again die trying and study hard to do my exams, the only thing I find out that I can express how I felt only through blogging, though sounds pathetic, but well it give me some space for a piece of my mind, what I do think, how I felt over this years, it may not be long when one day I sit done having a sweet time enjoying my life as a successful doctor, but again obstacles have to be cleared thoroughly..

Life haven't gone so well lately, having a preach about chinese new year related to christian.. Why I would be bothered by it anyways? God is great, bla bla bla.. Yeah yeah everyone knows that, but somebody can wake this people up? I got more important thing to do more a less than going to preach God's greatness.. Why can you put your faith in yourself, I believe God ask us to have faith on our own, believe him so as we can believe our own, a bible is a story, a story correlate with the history and not only tell us we should follow the path, but only use for our daily problems.. Every human have his faith, no matter the bible tell us to do so.. Once again, I am in point blank to listen this same speeches all over again.. I am tired listening about it. No use for me when I have bigger goals to obtain, rather spending time to listen same thing over over over again..

But then, I am able to control myself forcing myself to go over the limits of myself.....
And I couldnt celebrate my chinese new year..
And the sucky thing, next week my exam... Chinese new year with exam on the following day..
Wonder will this go on for the next 6 years?