It is foolhardy..

Well well well, how should I begin with. A day without sleep after taking booze and dance in quattro, Ave K.. Very amazed at myself how the heck I am still awake.. I took black label pure for 4 cups and additional 9 and above as mix.. The feeling of drinking it, sucks, but I was in sober so who basically cares.. And the funny thing is I blog this while I am flimsy still.. My minds is here and not allowing me to sleep... I wonder what is wrong with my head.. Normally I wanna get drunk to forget pains and and my own silly pathetic life..

Somehow, today I don't feel much but it will not be my last to going to clubs and having good time with friends whom I know off.. Kinda nice making friends with the bouncers.. The show me the place and I get to talk with 'em personally on which liquor to get in good offers in a night only..

Got some friends who loves going clubs and I quite forgetful of their names and I only remember Dante and Nicholas.. The beat is too loud until I can't even hear their names properly.. Well not the both of 'em only. There were Michelle, her friends and her sister Marg along with her friend and cousins.. To sum it all.. A big group..(I guess so)Going to club knowing them a short while is nice but there are some complications, I know them just a lil / none... Another thing is the place is boring if there is no one to company along.. Basically I am sobering alone there.. Oh ya there is a weird yellowish drink which tastes funny, it is more like a mixture of vodka and some tangerine and something else( no idea what it is) and it costs freaking 20 bucks.. And 2 different girls giving to me..(Can't resist temptation from them until one of them gives up my another 20 bucks is saved).

There is another thing happen to me.. I got my feet step by countless people ( my bad for wearing flip flops) From waitress to guys to girls to man to lady.. Even it happen outside where I got my foot stumble by a drunkard... Sheesh.. Everytime I go to the loo, I have to que for it and when I got there , only 3 stand to pee.. And the sink fill with vomits...

After all the joys, I have to drive home alone.. That time, I feel light headed eventhough I could walk properly but still flimsy all the way to my car.. I walk the stairs and get rid of my flimsiness but putting some sweat and put my brain in state of order.. It is hard to do so and seriously I had the feeling my trainings is not enough..

So drove to 7 11 to get some mineral water and rest awhile by driving from KL to my house and go to Rawang to get my important stuff where I hid it a long time and go back to the same road I took from KL all the way to Cheras... Stop by aside and walking around in the dark( Well I sort of afraid abit but I really need to stroll to get some air)

Walking down the same road as before, I keep remembering the events where my car stuck in the workshop.. The road to Neway and outside Leisure mall.. Kinda miss the old times and I tried hard to forget but everything seems like yesterday..I shed the same tears at the same place as I still remember the same spot and the same actions on that unfateful day.. There are no one to share my pains( my sis is an exceptional and some names I refrain to say) I kept everything to myself and couln't tell it out why and why and why is this happening to me to anyone..

There are few I could trust but I couldn't tell or convey it to them. I have to fake my smiles like there is nothing to be happy about, faking most of the joy I had as if they were nothing and play along with childish smiles.. I am happy though since I manage to put some real smiles to anyone and start to change bit by bit. I threw my old self and giving myself my own forgiveness and take something new..

There are people become my role model, my master (Kru), my sis( kinda good to have a sis of mine), Han, Ken, Ca-ryn, Nizam, my own dad, some of my friends as well..My life is nothing but to regret on my misdoings and my ill behaviour. Now I wanna take back what suppose belong to me even the person whom I care the most and all my lost. It sounds impossible to me for the time being but I try to get back on my own will..